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Published By Gwenith Kikkawa on March 22nd, 2007 in Circle Stories From The Heart
I step off the plane….up until this step I had fully anticipated having a pleasurable trip with my loved ones. As my foot hits the pavement I feel an ache in my heart. With each passing step I feel the pain in my heart deepen. Something has triggered me and the heaviness spreads with each pulse through my veins. I begin a spiral downward into the dark place of the void.
My perception shifts and I am no longer in the present but replaying wounds of my past… the wounds of my mother and grandmother. Judith Duerk in her book ‘The Circle of Stones’ shares that a woman must go down into the darkness to discover her own value and authentic voice. Yet we are not encouraged or supported in this place like women were long ago. It is essential for our healing to go to the depths, beyond ordinary space and time to the lower world and listen to the truths that lie there, as well as find the jewels. The void is feared because it is a place that necessitates change.
I really wish to be home in my place of comfort where I can close my bedroom door, or go to a cabin in the woods and do the work I must do… alone. But, I am not alone and not in my comfort zone. My spiraling affects the others. My darkness is ever present, and I feel out of control. Did I unconsciously choose this time and place to do this work? The perfect ingredients are present to propel me into the perfect downward spiral.
Those I am with take on the roles of the mother and father that I perceived abandoned and rejected me. My wounded child self grieves. I delve deeper to find the root of abandonment. Underneath I discover the feeling of rejection…of feeling de-valued. I go deeper to discover this wound is not just mine. Within my cells are the cells of my mother and grandmother. Within my wounds are the wounds of my mother and grandmother and their mothers and grandmothers.
It is my job now to birth new dreams and possibilities, shifting old patterns that limit our beliefs about who we are and what we are capable of. As I dream new dreams for myself, a ripple is created that affects the whole. The Chaos Theory of the Butterfly Effect states that with a flap of its wings, a butterfly can create change on the other side of the world: Perhaps even affecting change into the future and into the past.
This is not the first time I am in the void. It takes time to shift perceptions, shape new dreams and heal old wounds. Going to the void I peel another layer. The deeper I allow myself to go, the more layers I peel. I go deep and touch my own spirit…my own soul. Thankfully my companion supports me as I cradle myself in the void, connecting once again to my authentic self.
Sandra Ingerman author of “Soul Retrieval: Mending the Fragmented Self” shares that many shamanic cultures around the world believe that illness is due to the loss of the soul. The cause of ‘soul loss’ is trauma, accident, and illness and the symptoms include dissociation, chronic depression, suicidal tendencies, grief that does not heal, apathy, walking through life as an observer rather than a participant, addictions to food, relationships, substances, alcohol, material objects and a lack of vital life energy.
Shamanic cultures understood the importance of retrieving the soul of a person shortly after the trauma, usually within 3 days and it was the role of the Shaman to do this work.
In our present culture without an understanding of the importance of Soul Retrieval, there are millions of people walking around with soul loss….generations of soul loss.
I cry the tears of my wounded child, and gradually my heart begins to lighten. I feel myself moving back up to the surface of ordinary reality, but my work is not yet done. I now find a Shaman to assist in retrieving the essence of my soul so that I may feel once again revitalized with a sense of purpose. I use the energy that has brought back my vitality to create a positive present and future.
“It’s not what we do, but who we become that changes the world.”
~ Sandra Ingerman, Medicine for the Earth