Reclaiming the Story of my Birth, By Jane Large (CCSS Collective Member)
Published By Gwenith K on January 28th, 2016 in Circle Stories From The Heart
Every year my mother tells me the story of my birth…
It was not until this year that I reclaimed the gems of the story and understood the message it had to share.
As the story goes, I was about 10 days or more “overdue” and my parents were eagerly anticipating my arrival. My mother started having some light contractions early in the morning, and because there was a storm brewing, my parents decided to go to the hospital (we lived out of town in a rural area). As my parents were driving to the hospital, they joked, “Ok, let’s have this baby by dinner time.” At the hospital the doctor assessed my mother and predicted that I would not be coming any time soon. He decided he would go home for lunch. Shortly afterwards my mother felt a pressure and thought she needed to pee. Instead, it was my head emerging…I had decided it was time! As a comic interlude, this is the part of the story where I was almost born into the toilet bowl. Needless to say I surprised everyone, including the doctor who had barely made it home when he was urgently called back to delivery me. Because at the time, it was frowned upon for a nurse to deliver a baby, they told my mother to wait for the doctor and not push. I was stuck, half in half out, even though I had clearly decided it was time. The doctor arrived just in time to ‘catch’ me; he didn’t even have time to put on gloves or a mask.
As I reflected on this story this year I uncovered and reclaimed some beautiful gems and understandings about myself and my life:
- I am loved. I am lovable.
This seems like it ought to be a straightforward one, but for my whole life I have struggled with the idea of being loved. What supported me in uncovering this gem was the sheer enthusiasm with which my mother recounts this story every year, without fail. I have heard it dozens of times and not once has my mother seemed anything by delighted and brimming with excitement about telling the story, as if it were a more revered event in her life. She also used phrases like, “we are eagerly anticipating your arrival…” When I tuned into her tone, her words and her expressions it allowed me to understand how excited everyone was for me to arrive, that I was already loved so deeply even though I was not even born yet. It supported me in deeply understanding for the first time that I can remember that I am not only loved, but lovable, which has allowed me to open to receiving the love than others have been wishing to share with me.
2. I was created by the “best” of my parents and ancestors combined with my own unique Soul essence blueprint.
I first realized that it is the “best” of my parents and the beautiful wholeness of my Soul that merged as me in my human form. Then I also understood on a deep Soul level that it goes deeper than that, that within me I carry the ‘best’ and most valuable aspects of the masculine and feminine from all of my ancestors across all of my lifetimes. I carry the gems of knowledge and wisdom and all of the ancestral gifts from all those who preceded me, as well as my own Soul gifts and purposefulness. I am made of an ancestral web of beauty.
3. I can trust myself.
Although I may have been ‘overdue’ by someone’s standards, what I know now is that I was waiting to be born until I was ready. And in turn, when I was ready, when I was clear and I knew what I knew, I made the decision and took action quickly. At the moment I was ready to be born, the process unfolded very quickly and with little pain for my mother.
However, something I have sometimes struggled with in my life is making decisions. I have not always felt like I could trust myself. I would take a ‘long time’ weighing all the options. I’d think I was ready to make a decision, but then I would feel a hesitation or a fear about whether or not I was sure, was I ready, was I making the right choice. In hearing my birth story, I understand that in having my birth delayed when I was ready to be born left an unconscious imprint on my mind. The beauty of this realization though is that now I can clearly see this pattern for what it is and I have uncovered the gem; that I can trust myself because I was ready to be born, just that others weren’t ready for me. They didn’t understand my style, having not met me yet; that I might take longer than they expected to make a decision, but that once I do know I am ready, when I am clear, take actions swiftly.
This year on my 40th birthday, hearing the story of my birth was one of the most significant learning opportunities of my life because I reclaimed the gems of my birth so that as I move forward it is the gems that I carry, transforming the burdens I had previously carried into beauty.
Do you know the story of your birth? If so, how does that story feel to you? Do all parts feel Light? What gems does this story hold for you?
If you do not know the story of your birth or have not heard it recently, take time to have your mother or both of your parents tell you the story of your birth. If this is not possible, what do you remember about that story?
In preparing to listen to or remember the story of your birth, first consciously ground yourself in your Heart space so you open to receiving the information and insights that might arise. As you are listening or remembering, be aware of the gems that stand out to or any insights.
If in this process some challenging pieces of information come to light, ask your Heart and your deepest Soul self: What do I need to know? What is the message I am being called to understand? What gems dwell in this story/detail?
Maintain an openness to receiving deeper insights or understandings that might flow forth later on, perhaps in dreamtime or when you least expect it.